Dear Mrs. Tresmal:
I am writing this letter in the hope of bringing some much-needed vindication for the oppressed students of the unimaginative, soul-sucking world you call your classroom. When my son brought home his graded essay on the works of e. e. cummings (that is the proper formatting of the poet’s name) that you so callously marked as D work, I was personally and deeply insulted. The incredible amount of time and effort put into writing what I strongly feel is at least B+ work was unjustly rendered mediocre with one swipe of your malicious red pen.
If you want to compete at an elite level, tap into your primal running roots, and protect your feet while maintaining ethical standards, then it’s time to join the sock-running revolution. Barefoot running can be dangerous, painful, and downright gross, and running in technologically advanced shoes is basically the same as cheating. But with socks, you get all of the perks and none of the pitfalls.
Though no research has actually been conducted on this new and innovative style of running, it’s clear that sock running is the future of ultra. Sure, socks may get a little soggy during rainy…
Oh runner, with long locks waving,
Emancipated and wild,
Your hair an undulating banner
Of your bravery and guile.
A feral flag of freedom,
Unfettered and unbound,
Your mane flows liberated
While your feet move over ground.
No challenge can e’er hold you back,
No obstacle upon these lands,
No hair clip shall you sport this day,
No braids nor rubber bands.
Your untamed strands are a testament
To your training and endeavors,
How bold ye long-haired runners are
Who shall not bind it, not ever.
For freedom flows within your legs,
Within your feet and hearts,
And a wildness springs from…
It’s autumn, so you know what that means: it’s pumpkin everything season! Time to bust out your plaid shirt dress and infinity scarf and head to your local cafe for your favorite artificially flavored seasonal latte. Who cares if it’s still 87 degrees outside! If Starbucks isn’t going to let global warming hold them back, neither will you.
As you stand at the end of the counter, quivering with anticipation while waiting for that steaming white cup, you notice all the other basic bitches lined up behind you pretending they love pumpkin as much as you. You look past them…
Are parents talking to their children about natural resources and the issues they face? This is a question that has nagged me for some time. I’m not a parent, but I love kids. More specifically, I love what kids bring to the table: innocent hope and brutal honesty. So, when it comes to some of the issues I hold most dear, namely the management and consumption of our planet’s natural resources, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is my sister talking to my 6-year-old nephew about lowering his carbon footprint?” Probably not. So, I did a bit more digging into whether…
Moving two cats and a 5-month-old puppy from Ohio to California (as well as two adults) is not without its challenges. Unlike your household items and furniture, you can’t simply shove them into a shipping container and call it a day. Well, you can, but that would make you a psychopath. You may consider driving. You may find yourself thinking, “It’ll be fun! We’ll buy a Subaru and make a road-trip out of it.” On paper, it’s the storyboard for a great car commercial. In reality, not so much. Though your adorable and vivacious 5-month-old yellow lab loves car rides…
Modern times bring with them new challenges. Currently, we face several natural resource issues, including — but not limited to — a shortage of water, an abundance of plastic pollution, and an unsustainable consumption of resources. For those of us who work in, play in, and consciously use natural resources, these issues are apparent. And though we know our tribe is vast, it is still only a minute percentage of the people dealing with and acting upon these problems (Everyday… 2016). …
Hobbies include running a lot, drinking all of the coffee, and disappointing my mother.